I just had the most amazing chat with my professor.
So I fell off the face of the planet to everyone for a while, mostly regarding school and I am doing quite terribly in class because of it. So I decided that I needed to stop being dumb and try and fix it (even though the semester is almost over). The first professor that I met with lectured me for ten minutes, told me he should just fail me and be done with it, but he’s kind enough to let me try again. He basically told me I wasn’t being an adult and that I suck. Not in those words. So I went home and cried for an hour cause I have really shitty self esteem anyways and I am 95% positive that I have depression.
Anyways.
I went and met with my second professor a few hours later. She’s this awesome free spirited lady who loves yoga, exotic teas, yin and yang kind of stuff. She was originally from Israel, speaks several languages, specializes in “Border Cinema” and has the coolest perspective on everything. She has always been my favorite professor. I was totally sure she would be really disappointed in me and that it was just going to be a repeat of the first meeting.
She started off by just asking if I was ok… and I broke down and started crying. She was so incredibly kind and encouraging. She didn’t say a single negative thing to me. She essentially told me that I handled everything as best as I could in that moment, and at least next time I’ll know that just communicating with people will help so much. There is no need to be ashamed when things go wrong. Everyone goes through hard patches and honestly the best thing for me to do right now is go do something that makes me feel like I can breathe, something that makes me feel nurtured, and take care of myself. She doesn’t know anything about me thinking I may have depression but I think she sensed it. I can’t even explain how much she helped me today. She just kept telling me about how she’s messed up plenty of times in her life and that she just recently started trying to be kinder to herself on purpose. The biggest thing she told me was that it’s ok. It’s ok to make mistakes, it’s ok to not feel happy, it’s ok to not be ok. The thing that we shouldn’t do is dwell on the mistakes and put ourselves down for them. She also loaned me a book that she said helped her when she was feeling the most down. It was all exactly what I needed to hear. It was like she literally read every negative thought and feeling I have had in the last month and reassured me that my life ISN’T falling apart.
This was probably just a random rambling rant and I’m sorry for that. I just had to put into words how grateful I am right now.
Seamonster Scribbles 